This incredibly personal blog is written by Kaylee Mercer, a Velvet Vixen and all round, powerful woman
Thank you Kaylee.
After my husband left me in February I was in a deep dark place and I was struggling finding a way out. My mental health was already fragile, but now it felt well and truly shattered. I didn't see the light in anything and the darkness was overwhelming. My dramatic weight loss, due to stress and my declining mental health, started to impact my body, and I could feel it starting to give up on me.
Enough was enough. I had to pick myself up, dust myself off and find my strength. I fought through the deafening internal negativity, pushed myself to climb towards the light and I started to create new healthy habits and routines to rebuild myself. To gain back control over my declining mental health and my physical well-being, I opted to invest in therapy, as well as a personal trainer.
Damn I felt good!
When I started to feel happy with my overall health, I approached Kylie about doing a boudoir shoot. I'd always wanted to do this sort of photoshoot and when I told Kylie my story and my ideas, she loved them. I was proud of what I have recently overcome and felt in a great place to celebrate myself. I wanted to embrace this moment, but also push my limits and add elements of kink/BDSM to the shoot. I wanted the images to show the dark, sexy and fun side of boudoir, as well as how comfortable I was in my own skin. And boy did we have fun! My photos are incredible and the fact that I did this for me, no-one else, just me, felt incredible.
I excitedly shared some images and unexpected negativity arose...
"Why would you show your body to the world?"
"Isn't that a bit slutty?"
"Are you trying to get attention?"
FUCK YOU!
Thankfully I was in a strong enough place where I could declare that I didn't care what people thought of me or what we have created. It only strengthened my mindset, that I'm not here for anyone's approval. I'm here to celebrate my strength and determination. That I came through an incredibly difficult and dark time, and I am here to shout 'look at me now!'
The reaction (albeit from a minority of friends) to my photographs ignited our next project. Kylie and I decided to work on a more creative visual representation of fragility, vulnerability and the internal turmoil that unwanted opinions can create.
We decided to create a series of images that brought to life my personal story of empowerment. We wanted to capture the effect of a negative inner voice, the warped body image that I felt and my mental and physical withdrawal from life. We explored the feeling of bearing the weight of words and opinions of others, as well as the shame I felt at the fact that I was not the super skinny woman that the world told me I should be.
I sat in their hateful words, trapped in a fragile mind and body, fighting through the tape that was both destroying me and holding me together. We wanted to show that I was strong enough to push through the negativity. Fierce enough to face the demons inside my head, that repeatedly made me feel worthless. I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and see light radiating from inside me.
Then, there is this moment of self acknowledgement at just what this body has been through. What I've have put this body through to conform with society...
NO MORE!
THIS IS ME! I'm a shining light of natural beauty. I am who I am, and not what people want me to be!
These images have captured what I think will be a familiar journey for many people. If not right now, from some point in their life. I will not lie, it has taken huge courage, bravery and most of all, self acceptance to get to that light inside of me. But now it's here, no one will ever be given the power to extinguish it again.
NEVER LET ANYONE DIM YOUR LIGHT!
SHINE BRIGHT!
Commenti